The Drinking Week

(Just taking down a couple of brewskies at my favorite U of M bar, Big 10, back when they did $1.50 pitchers on Tuesdays. I don't know who the guy on the left is.)




Every day of the week is a viable drinking opportunity. Regardless what you've been told about the improprieties of drinking at certain times through the week, there are a host of reasons for you to have a few any day you please. After all, there wouldn't be seven days in the week if you couldn't use each and every one.

Soused Sundays:

I credit the NFL for the vast majority of American Sunday drunkenness. Without this blessed league, most lesser drinkers would find no reason to begin drinking before noon on the Sabbath. That being said, there is absolutely no reason for the NFL to have the monopoly on Sunday drinking.

Why I drink on Sundays:

After a long weekend of partying and sleeping in, the realization that another week is about to have its way with my soul sends me into a deep chasm of depression from which the only escape is alcohol. Now, knowing that you can drink everyday should certainly cheer your spirits about the week, and this has certainly been the case for me. Rather than dwell on the boring week of work and school, I have chosen instead to focus on the activity of finding ways to enjoy each day of the week, and Sunday is no exception.

Why you should drink on Sundays:

Other than the NFL, a plethora of exceptional drinking activities exist. Outside of football season, drinking softball leagues are a popular way to booze on a Sunday. In addition, professional baseball, basketball, and hockey all play on Sundays throughout the year, and any sporting event is a potential drinking event. The bar scene on Sundays can be a little slow, but this often means better service and better specials. Here, on the U of M campus, Blarney's supports Sunday drinking by offering any of their specials from throughout the week. In addition, there are several bars that offer all-day happy hours. A host of other reasons to drink exist on Sundays, and I'm sure you can find your own if you look for them. The key is to have your consciousness raised, and your social barriers broken down, to the point where you can take any situation, any day, and turn it into an enjoyable drinking situation.

Merry Mondays:

Monday, like Sunday, has a built-in drinking event every September through December with the NFL and Monday Night Football. MNF has been the most popular reason for decades to drink on Monday nights, and is absolutely a viable and respectable reason to knock a few back. As with Sunday, however, we mustn't allow the NFL to monopolize early-week drinking.

Why I drink on Mondays:

In addition to the aforementioned MNF, I have found several good reasons to drink on Mondays. Mondays are those days in which the dread and depression you feel on Sunday are realized in practice, and obviously, Mondays generally suck. With the right attitude, and the correct amount of alcohol, however, even a Monday night can be a great night. I have joined a softball team this spring that plays Monday nights, and, as one of my teammates owns a bar, we have a great excuse to go out for beers and wings after double-headers.

Why you should drink on Mondays:

Bowling leagues generally meet on weeknights, and Monday can be a superior night to participate. Quite obviously, bowling and booze go hand-in-hand. Also, happy hours and specials abound in bars across the country on Monday nights. Again, college and professional athletic events are occurring in this country essentially every day of the year, and they are all a perfectly good reason to get a little tipsy. (Even a high school sport can be a good time, just remember to paper-bag your drink).

Tipsy Tuesdays:

Tuesday is perhaps the most greatly overlooked day of the week, and drinking on Tuesday is no exception. Domino's 2-Fer Tuesday campaign honorably shed light on this issue (while allowing myself and countless others the chance to mooch off somebody else with a fortunately-timed hankering for pizza). As we all learned from Domino's, Tuesdays can be fun too.

Why I drink on Tuesdays:

Tuesday is actually my 2nd or 3rd favorite day to drink of the entire week. This is due, in no small part, to one of my favorite bar specials of all time. On Tuesday nights, between 9pm and midnight, Big 10 Restaurant and Bar sells $1.50 pitchers of Beast Light. That is pitchers, not pints, folks. Yes, it is Beast, which is pretty gross, but when you are almost too drunk to read your bill, and it comes back for $13.50 for the entire night for you AND your group, it is a good thing.

Why you should drink on Tuesdays:

I am sure that, no matter where you live, it will be possible for you to find some kind of deal on a Tuesday night that makes a bar worth patronizing. If you live anywhere near Minneapolis, come on out to Big 10 and meet up with me. We'll get drunk for $6 each and have a blast. It'll almost make you forget you have work/class the next day.

Wasted Wednesdays:

Ah, Wednesday. Without a doubt my favorite drinking day of the week. This is do primarily to the existence of "beer and pizza," or BnP.

Why I drink on Wednesday:

To anyone who doesn't know, BnP is the bar special to end all specials. $6.99 for all the beer one cares to drink, as well as all the pizza one may care to eat, from 5-8pm every Wednesday at the American Sports Cafe. (To anyone who may have said to themselves, "$6.99, that's bullshit, it's $6.50 including tax," I have some sad news. The price has been raised, resulting in a cost of approximately $7.50 now). In addition, Wednesdays provide cheap student tickets to Twins games all season, free darts and pool, coupled with $8 all-you-can-drink rails and domestics at Brother's, and a host of other amazing specials.

Why you should drink on Wednesday:

If you have a job, or go to school, Wednesday is likely the midpoint of your week. You have bravely trampled Monday and Tuesday, and are awaiting (dreading?) Thursday and Friday. As a celebratory effort for your bravery in the first half of the week, and as a mental rebuilding and regrouping for the latter half, you absolutely must drink on Wednesdays. The world seems to know this, and has provided us with ample reasons to imbibe on hump day, as well as the bar specials to help us achieve it relatively cheaply. If you live in the Minneapolis/St. Paul area, it is absolutely worth the trek to 33rd and Como on a late Wednesday afternoon to experience BnP.

Thirsty Thursday:

The "Thirsty" moniker has long stuck on Thursday, presumably because of college students. I learned very early in college that any time you have a day off, the night before is to be spent thoroughly shitfaced, no exceptions. Because I did not have a Friday class for the first year and a half of my college career, I became (and have remained) emphatically devoted to Thirsty Thursdays.

Why I drink on Thursdays:

As I alluded to briefly above, I first heard the term "Thirsty Thursday" when I got to college. After hearing it a few times, and after learning to associate Thursdays with Sailing House parties and Brother's $5 all-you-can-drink domestics, I have permanently moved Thursday into my weekend stable. The day I stop seeing Thursday as a weekend is the day I will probably have a real job, and subsequently, will die.

Why you should drink on Thursdays:

As has been highly touted in statistics released in many studies, Americans are putting in more work hours than any of their world counterparts. What does this mean? Well, we are not the world's healthiest nation, so I can only deduce that work = death. This being said, it is of utmost prudence that we all extend our weekends to include Thursday. If we can't get Fridays off, then we take them off mentally. It is for our health.

Fuddled Fridays:

At long last, the weekend is upon us! (At least it is for those of you who have not raised your consciousness to include Thursdays in your weekends.) This means we are free to let our hair down, throw some liquor down our booze-holes, and have some fun. Fridays, we drink with impunity, knowing that we are no longer bound by the laws of the oppressive week.

Why I drink on Fridays:

I drink on Fridays simply because I can. It is the weekend, and mid-week teetotalers are no longer around to scoff at me for being drunk. Hockey game pre-partying and house party or bar-hopping is a traditional staple of Friday drinking. On Fridays, everybody is drinking, and if they aren't, they have a damn good excuse or they are no friend of mine. As my good friend and true alcohol icon Rizzle once said, "If I can't find something to do soon, I'll have to start drinking by myself."

Why you should drink on Fridays:

Friday is the perfect day to drink. You can wake up at one o'clock in the afternoon on Saturday. On Saturday mornings, you have no coworkers around to harass you for the bags under your eyes or the vomit stains on your shirt. Nobody is calling you out for smelling like booze, because hopefully, they were all out doing the same thing.

Sozzled Saturdays:

Saturday, like Friday, is a classic drinking day. These are the days that you will find the most people at the bars and clubs. They are also the days that students on college campuses are most likely to throw parties. In addition, the great American tradition of college football plays out on Saturdays throughout the fall.

Why I drink on Saturdays:

No event in the history of man has ever provided the same level of excuse for drinking at 8am than has the 11am college football game. Keg and eggs, as I refer to any drinking that can be done at the same hours as one might eat breakfast, is a true and glorious rite of passage. Reasons to drink on Saturdays, just as with Fridays, are abundant enough that no one should ever have to experience one of these days sober.

Why I drink on Saturdays:

In addition to the already stated college football, I keep myself drunk and busy on Saturdays by watching college hockey or basketball, having my friends over in the afternoon for impromptu drinking competitions (power hours, beer pong, 40-hands, etc), and going out to house parties and bars.

Why you should drink on Saturday:

Sunday is an ultimate day of recovery. What better way to spend a day of recovery than to be recovering from a long night of closing down bars, strip clubs, et cetera with your buddies, or scamming on hot girls at a club? I submit to you that to use a Sunday as anything other than a day to nurse away a hangover (and of course drink when it's gone) is an affront to God himself. (While I'm on the subject, church should never, ever be used as an excuse to not go out on a Saturday night.)

Parting thoughts:

There you have it, your drinking week in full. Let me part with some words of advice. If you should decide to go out each of the days in a single week, and drink to your hearts content, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Do not, at any point, allow anyone to make you feel bad about your decision to drink on a Sunday, Monday, or any other day. Instead, push forward and order that next round. The cause of the functional (or in my case, quasi-functional) alcoholic has a long way to go, but as we move forward it is certain that our cause, and our kind, will soon be accepted once again.


Jeff N.