I have the mindset of a 15 year old boy. I have never disputed this, and in fact rarely argue when the figure drops to 14, 13, or even 12. I have a classically "dirty" mind, and this has rarely, if ever, struck me as inappropriate. I have a tendency to go above and beyond the standard crude thoughts however, and even in wholly unexpected situations I will find myself pondering questions that would unnerve some people. I know this because when I ask a question like, "So, how many dicks do you think that girl has sucked in her life," or, "Do you think she's ever done anal?" pointing to a girl on the street, I tend to get some pretty strange, or even disgusted, looks from friends and passersby.
It is no surprise, then, that there are a multitude of words and phrases that, in any context, I cannot help but laugh when I come across in daily, non-dirty usage. Examples are as diverse as they are numerous, but all have some--whether obvious or not--connection to a "vulgar" concept that I find absolutely hilarious. Go ahead, call me immature. Call me "dirty-minded." I take these so-called insults as badges of honor. Badges that say, "Society and political correctness have not smothered my inner adolescent."
In light of this I have compiled a list (by no means comprehensive) of things that I can't hear or read without giggling like a 6th grader in his first Sex Ed class.
Facial
This on should be obvious, but you'd be surprised how often it comes up in television and print ads for face creams. I don't care how soft it makes your skin or how much younger it will make you feel, this is something I'll never be able to take seriously... ever. They might as well call it Money-Shot Cream.
Cream Pie
This one should also be fairly obvious to anyone who's watched a decent amount of porn, but for anyone who doesn't know I'll direct you to the definition of creampie at Wikipedia. This comes up every time I'm at Dairy Queen, or Baker's square, or anywhere they serve dessert and somebody is trying to describe a delicious banana cream pie. Sometimes I wish I could look past it, just to focus on the delicious treat in front of me, but it never happens.
Load Size
Also fairly obvious, but it comes up over and over again both in the world of hauling things with large vehicles, and as a setting on most washers. Haha, load size.
Massive Taco Bar
Only I could take something so innocent as a 35 foot, make-your-own-taco stand and picture nothing but a long bar on which a multitude of prostitutes are lying, pantless, with their feet up in stirrups.
Come Again
Really? But I just came. Have you ever heard of a refractory period?
Uvula
Sounds far too much like vulva, and in fact, I got the two confused quite often as a youngster (I had some peculiar reading interests).
Oral Exam
As a liberal arts student, I am forced by my college to take 4 semesters of foreign language. This, of course, means muffling my laughter for two years every time my Italian teacher says, "We'll be having our oral exams next week. If you're looking to develop your oral skills before the test I'll be holding additional office hours..."
Of course there are many more examples, and you can undoubtedly think of your own. The point is that I am immature, exceptionally immature, and to a large extent I am proud of that fact. As I said above, I like to think this indicates an undying adolescent glow that emanates from somewhere deep inside me. (Deep inside me, haha.) So if it is your nature to think as I do when these hilarious terms come up, don't stifle it, embrace it, and we'll all be a little less mature and a little more happy.
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