I will be divorced some day

What do these men have in common? Richard Dawkins, Christopher Hitchens, Ernest Hemingway, Russ Feingold, Carl Sagan, Albert Einstein, Stephen Hawking, Isaac Asimov, Bill Murray, Bertrand Russell, Robin Williams, Hunter S. Thompson, and Louis C.K. The answer, aside from the fact that I deeply admire and respect each of them for their contributions to mankind as well as for what I have gained from their work individually, and apart from their salient intelligence and sapience, is that every one of them was married and subsequently divorced at least once. (This list could be significantly longer, obviously.)

Having visited many of their Wikipedia pages within the last week, the fact that they each had a history of divorce did not go unrecognized. Rather, it brought me back to a thought that I have had and articulated for years: If I ever get married, it's going to end in divorce.

It's not just that seemingly all of my favorite influences have been divorced (many of them multiple times), there is further evidence as well. For instance, I'm impulsive as shit. I've rarely been one to delay gratification for any reason, at any time, and long-term consequences scarcely factor into my decision making. On the other side of that, I've always been one to jump ship quickly when I see a losing proposition, choosing instead to pursue the next "great" option.

I've had, at different times, addictions to gambling, caffeine, nicotine, alcohol, and sex*. While I don't consider it an addiction in a true sense, I have a mental addiction to smoking weed as well, and there are probably several other borderline ones I have or have had in the past. It's in my very nature to pursue things to extreme ends, but I've tended over time to burn out on some behaviors/issues/people. Love has been, and I imagine in the future will continue to be, one of those things.

"But you don't want to get married, why do you think you'll give in and decide to do it?"

This goes back to my impulsive side. I really have tricked myself, not all that long ago even, into believing that I loved a girl and she loved me and that we could even have a long-term future. The reality, of course, was significantly less serious but I had deluded myself, presumably out of some need to be desired and to have an object of desire. Now, I pride myself on being as rational and clear-thinking a person as I can, but I just haven't always been so cerebral when it comes to chicks, and over a rest-of-my-life kind of timeline, it's probable I'll get myself suckered into it at some point, even though it's not something I want as of now.

"Given your many faults, how can you be so sure anyone will ever want to marry you?"

Despite my truly ridiculous lack of urgency in finding a mate, and my many quirks of personality, I am still somehow quite sure it will happen. Most people eventually find someone (whether they stay together or not) and I've dated before, providing past evidence. While I'm not necessarily becoming a better potential mate, I do believe that the pool of available single women my age is becoming increasingly desperate, and I have some qualities that at least a few of the ones pretty enough for me to consider would settle for. I also have a tendency to be able to present myself in a much better light than is necessarily the reality with only minimal lying, and this is a skill that will definitely come in handy in both finding and losing women in the future.

_________________________________

Not to compare myself to the luminaries I mentioned above, but, like them, and like it or not, I am smarter than the majority of people I come across. Something about being intelligent, I think, makes it harder to settle. It makes it harder to settle for a shitty explanation, or when it comes to the standard one holds oneself to, or for a less-than-ideal relationship. Also like many of the men listed above, I'm a "creative" type. While I believe this can be handy in meeting members of the opposite sex, and particularly ones with similar interests, the reality is that it can be very hard to deal with stereotypical "creatives" sometimes, and I am no exception.

Given the host of evidence, like the over-half general divorce rate, my heroes' relationship failures, and my own deeply flawed personality, I'm afraid the only way I can avoid divorce is by avoiding marriage. When I fold on my "marriage is stupid" stance, though, and pull the trigger on a nuptial, hopefully my "no kids" policy stays intact so I don't have to put them through the (probably messy) divorce.

*- I say this not because I've ever felt I had a problem with wanting it too often, but I did strain multiple relationships with girls who felt it was all I ever wanted to do with them. To me the problem is theirs.